Some really lovely friends of mine have just lost one of their dogs to old age. They emailed me to ask whether dogs miss their doggy companions when they die. This is what I said to them:
“I know exactly how you’re feeling right now as it’s nearly a year since I lost Gus and the pain has never lessened.
I think that dogs do miss someone they’ve lived with for a long time, but show it in different ways. It also depends on how much time they spent together and how close they were, i.e. whether they shared the same bed all the time, whether they followed each other around and whether they spent regular time apart and alone in the house quite happily.
I’ve found though that the owners’ inevitable sadness at the loss of the other dog far and away is the biggest cause of different behaviour from the dog left behind. I have absolutely no doubt that K.. is picking up on your sadness because no matter how good we think we’re hiding it – they know us much better than we think they do. They spend their lives watching us and learning about us. It stands to reason that when we are going through something traumatic, they will be wondering what the hell is wrong. We can then make the mistake of thinking they are mourning as painfully as we are and trying to comfort them, which in turn will make them more anxious because our normal behaviours have changed again.
We can have more of a talk about it when I see you if you like, but you’re doing all the right things keeping up with the normal routine for her. It’s not going to be possible to simply forget about F……. just to keep K..from seeing your pain, so don’t beat yourself up if you do need to give her a hug to help you through a bad moment. If she starts to behave oddly, like the howling the other night, ask yourself how you would have handled it if F......... was still here and handle it the same, i.e. don’t go to her assuming she’s missing him; it’ll make your behaviour alter in her eyes and that will unsettle her all the more.
Also, as cruel as it sounds, don’t feel sorry for her. She may have been close to F……., but she feels closer to you and now she has you all to herself. That’s actually what most human-orientated dogs actually want more than anything else in the world so if you think about it, this could be a good time for her! Crazy I know but that’s just because it seems wrong to us humans not to grieve for the loss of our loved ones. Animals are far more transitory in their relationships so don’t grieve for her too and she’ll be fine. You will all be fine – in time”
